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whad have we become?
we kicked off so well at the beginning and thought nth would break us. well it seems like everything gd has to pull a halt and we all eventually hafta face whadever reality takes us to. 2 of my bestest friends whom I can savely say that I can relate to are the 2 people who prefers to be MIA for the longest time in my life. sometimes I wonder whyye cant I be like them - to be capable of putting every else aside until my work is done. it's not impossible, it's matter of choice. as I grow up, I begin to realise that it's necessary not to be dependant on anybody emotionally. there is just nobody who is capable of fulfilling the constant need to be accompanied when my spirits are low. life brings new challenges to us every damn second of the day and we decide how we want to deal with it. the instant cure for a troubled mind is to think simple. now that I do, superficiality doesnt seem like such a bad idea afterall. to be able to detach from a world of problems is a choice we all hafta make - the difference is: how we get to it. I've been to this junction many times before and I was in a state of denial until now. learning to be lonely is not as pathetic and sad as it seems because happiness is contentment from within. everyday is a fight to survive for the next. [feeling-abandoned]__Gfayth at 7:39 AM
chicken pox.
everytime I give the world a chance, they prove me wrong over and over again. does unconditional compassion exist or is it just an act that people stage so as to create a perfect illusion to fool those who are in denial? there are 2 kinds of people who are constantly aiding the needy: 1) those who do it out of convenience 2) some who think it'll secure them a passport to heaven; but they dread the chore I havent known anyone in these 16yrs who would step out of their comfort zone and offer to do a deed for me without complaints. you can say that it's incomplete. I've spoken to matong once abt how I feel that friends/aquantances make use of me to vent their frustrations and she all she said was that I should lower my expectations of getting any form of special treatment. it took me quite awhile to absorb that, but I thought it made more sense as I began to read the msg again, in a totally different light. I gather that in many occasions, our minds would paint a picture of a person at the first impression. it doesnt change till the one of us is put to the test and then we become disappointed with their unwillingness to ease our burden. it happens to everybody in general and it sends the very same msg to everybody: we cannot live with expectations because we'll be risking for a let down. that's all for now. I hafta get some rest before I mag comes over to mug with me. [feeling-abandoned]__Gfayth at 8:39 PM
*coughs* teehee. aye, little flutter-by has been caught by a terribly aweful flu bug! it flew up her respitory system on wednesday night - after her sumptious dinner, and forced her to hit the sheets early. before the break of dawn, she was alrdy paralysed in bed, praying for a tad bit of love from someone who cares.
till this point in time, I am still drowning in serious procrastination. SCREAMS! like, hello? I'm suppose to be working 100,000 times harder than slouching on the couch 24/7 and taking extra long naps all afternoon from mondays to fridays! ahem. O levels are drawing nearer by the second woman! tick tock tick tock! I'm gonna screw my ass for that now. [feeling-abandoned]__Gfayth at 3:10 AM
I havent thought of whad to sacrifice this lent. I hear a calling that tells me to be a torch to somebody that I had a misunderstanding with recently - but george says it isnt a sacrifice. okayye. so here I go again: gotta think of smth else.
quite frankly, I feel like a bum for not having anything to sacrifice for my Saviour! it's the same old thing anually - I am always soo satisfied with myself! I always feel like the little things are not worthy to lift up to Him, so I try to find something that is more significant. then again, I just thought to myself: isnt it the smaller things that makes a larger impact? think I'll just pick smth out of the basket and work on it. whad's impt is that I change for a better being right? teehee. I shall not backstab. Dear Jesus, pls help me not to be hypocritical but sincere, and to be frank yet tactful when I am displeased with my friends. I want to be friendly to all that I love and hate because You accepted my flaws and love me anyway. Amen. [feeling-abandoned]__Gfayth at 6:37 AM
oh yayy! can finally blog. ((:
it's been awhile aye!? plenty of events are swirling around me lately and quite frankly, I'm feeling dizzy alrdy. there's been so many questions swimming in my oh-so-cramped mind that I cant come up with rational things to speak of. neither can I resist flaring up at the slightest matter - which is not even nearly related to the core of my problem and I wish I could stop time now to breathe for a second. smth on the surface: this has been my worst cny. cny used to be a special time of the year when I reunite with my cousins whom I hardly meet in the course of it. on the eve of the festival, we would take turns to gather round that far too small (for the family) marble table - that has adopted countless scratches on it, like the wrinkles on my grandma's hands. laughter roared like thunder from the kitchen, through the hallway and to the living room which brought abundant joy racing through everybody's hearts. however, a tragic occurred to my only cherished family - grandma's passing away. eversince, cny had lost it's enchanting significance to me. it is as if the absence of grandma has wiped away the smiles in our lives. this is the one thing that I cant go back to. [feeling-abandoned]__Gfayth at 3:18 AM
okayye! so I've been neglecting this blog quite abit - but I hardly even find the time for myself! I'm feeling very ill lately and I reckon it's due to the nastily drastic change of weather. it was one usual morning when the sun shone like it had drifted 100,000km nearer to the surface of the earth! ha. whads that stench? I wonder. could it be my burning skin? it's illogical how I can be sniffing, like I was caught in a snow without cloths, under such humid conditions.
jie has been staying in my house for awhile now. it truly feels like having a real sister living with me - how cool can it be? (: 2 sundays ago, we hung out and watched "shall we dance" - it was so excellent! I lurve j.lo's moves and richard gear's ASS! haha. no kiddin'. they're such sexy thangs. haha! oh we realised that j.lo resembles sor sor! haha so pretty aye? I know! we also had lotsa ice-cream that day, oh gawwsh. I was so stuffed. josephine treated us to dinner at a thai restaurant last week: I tell you, every conversation at the table was bombarded with underlying statements! it was soo bitchy - but I must say that I enjoyed it very much. whoops! it was damn effin' obvious that josephine was trying to get into the good books of auntie agnes and jie sam, and everything she said/commented was like a pack of bullshit! jie sam was soo defensive when josephine enthusiastically exclaimed that they're rather alike. my goodness. I wouldve filmed it (if only I had a camera) and play it over and over again just for laughing pleasure! back to the present, I actually missed school cos I felt too sick and tired for it. apparently, my mum wasnt too pleased so, ah well. I couldnt care less anyway. I went to the doctor this morning and she insisted that I revert back to her if the fever doesnt discontinue for the next 3 days. urgh. she made it sound so fatal. jie called twice, after leaving to buy her texts, to ask if I lunched, whad it was, whad did the doc say and whad I would like for tea! how candilicious righ'? I know-ooo! haha. I feel so loved woman! haha. I will miss her madly when she returns to aussieland. bahhh. that's all for now, really. I need to get started with the undone hw. cant keep procrastinating like this. [feeling-abandoned]__Gfayth at 2:59 PM
HAPPY SWEET16 TO ME! wow.
birthdays dont always fall on the start of a new school semester, do they? I've been anticipating since 5 days ago - it felt like eons. kept wondering whad he would be getting for me... and now I know! gawwsh I must be psychic. I had this gut feeling telling me all these time that he would get me exactly this bracelet. ha. we planned to watch "meet the fockers", but those non-16ers were banned. thnx to the effin' shim. I'm soo disgusted! shim's like got no boobs, look like an old man with no life... and sound like an old lady. hurh. how does that sound? are you gonna gag alrdy? bloody shim spoilt my bday. blawh. the movie was kinda sick. mann. the stupid dawg goes around screwing toys and err. the other cat? then the first word that kiddo learnt was "assh hoooole". lol eeeurgh. gross show. oh well, it cracked me anw. after which, maureen gave me this really sweet "card" - I really dont know whad ya call it - I teared when she presented it to me. mann. sweetness! dinner wasnt too good cos we're all too tired to eat! how can a day of announcements drain us like that? hmmm. I cant explain how I feel - or maybe I'm just beat. how exactly does sweet16 hafta feel like? right now, I have a whole lot of things at hand to complete and there is absolutely no time for personal emotions to interfere - so how do I get abt not missing the fun that we all had? like for example on new yr's eve: there was mass then thanksgiving dinner. my gawwsh. lucas was using his fork to stab raf's "thing" and we all witnessed it! x.x lol then stupidly, raf tried to be nice to him by asking, "hey lucas... whads your name?" muahaha! last joke I heard in the yr 2004. goodness. after that, we headed down to compass to meet camille on the train and when we were abt to get our first family photo taken, the train arrived. haha all because maureen was too slow. oops. it was soo lame when we were on board the train cos george couldnt take a proper photo of us and of himself. tsk tsk. he needs lessons from his ant-sister mawwn. when we reached the esplanade, the entire place was soo humid! haha then george happily went, "I'm so hot". muahaha. oh well. the very last few moments of the yr 2004 was spent on bitching abt a&j. gawwsh. we're such mean people. there was no countdown due to the tsunami disaster so we kept a moment of silence until the new yr. we were all coincidentally in wear tops and we walked in a choochoo-train manner. hehe! mann we got sprayed with foam like kerazzy. ya know, those people will always go, "kerat kerat. pssssst!". muahaha we're so afraid. we wanted to take a boat ride but $12.50 was too ex so we decided to walk. sat down awhile next to the ocbc centre but the place was too eerie to remain at - clouds drifted past like a storm was drawing near and the back of that rounded wall hid some kinda frankenstein. so we moved on to mcD's. hehe. cool eh? there, we had a meal, chatted alot and laughed like mad (like whads new uh?). it closed at 3am so thats when we started hailing for taxis for camille (but to no avail) then we made our way down... supposedly to town. mann. maybe we shouldnt trust menly intuitions cos when we did, we landed ourselves far from our destination. on the ourse of the entire night, we walked from the esplanade to jalan bersah. muahaha! well, isnt that very near my home alrdy? as we were walking, george HAD to freak me out. when I pointed at the red doors, he HAD to say, "orh hor. you pointed!" then scared me abt the stupid doors. eeeurgh. whad an asshole. oh yarh. guess whad we found? there's such a place called "coffin st" where coffin makers used to be situated. then later on, there were a series of suicides at the area (where the souls wandered) so it's chinese name changed from "guan cai lu" to "tiao lou jie". it wasnt the most pleasant thing to read past 2am. after the very very long walk - as we played the alphabet game, we game to a ranbom bus stop and took the first bus that arrived that morning, which was #64 I suppose? anyhow, it brought us to ps! wow. so much for the walking... the bus brought us to where we wanna go like in 5 min? blawh. we sat at the station for quite awhile before we left for home. damn. that morning was soo cold. we all could freeze to death! that's all for now actually. I have alot of work undone and I think I'm gonna be screwed for that tmr. better scram. [feeling-abandoned]__Gfayth at 11:03 PM
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