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whad have we become?
we kicked off so well at the beginning and thought nth would break us. well it seems like everything gd has to pull a halt and we all eventually hafta face whadever reality takes us to. 2 of my bestest friends whom I can savely say that I can relate to are the 2 people who prefers to be MIA for the longest time in my life. sometimes I wonder whyye cant I be like them - to be capable of putting every else aside until my work is done. it's not impossible, it's matter of choice. as I grow up, I begin to realise that it's necessary not to be dependant on anybody emotionally. there is just nobody who is capable of fulfilling the constant need to be accompanied when my spirits are low. life brings new challenges to us every damn second of the day and we decide how we want to deal with it. the instant cure for a troubled mind is to think simple. now that I do, superficiality doesnt seem like such a bad idea afterall. to be able to detach from a world of problems is a choice we all hafta make - the difference is: how we get to it. I've been to this junction many times before and I was in a state of denial until now. learning to be lonely is not as pathetic and sad as it seems because happiness is contentment from within. everyday is a fight to survive for the next. [feeling-abandoned]__Gfayth at 7:39 AM
chicken pox.
everytime I give the world a chance, they prove me wrong over and over again. does unconditional compassion exist or is it just an act that people stage so as to create a perfect illusion to fool those who are in denial? there are 2 kinds of people who are constantly aiding the needy: 1) those who do it out of convenience 2) some who think it'll secure them a passport to heaven; but they dread the chore I havent known anyone in these 16yrs who would step out of their comfort zone and offer to do a deed for me without complaints. you can say that it's incomplete. I've spoken to matong once abt how I feel that friends/aquantances make use of me to vent their frustrations and she all she said was that I should lower my expectations of getting any form of special treatment. it took me quite awhile to absorb that, but I thought it made more sense as I began to read the msg again, in a totally different light. I gather that in many occasions, our minds would paint a picture of a person at the first impression. it doesnt change till the one of us is put to the test and then we become disappointed with their unwillingness to ease our burden. it happens to everybody in general and it sends the very same msg to everybody: we cannot live with expectations because we'll be risking for a let down. that's all for now. I hafta get some rest before I mag comes over to mug with me. [feeling-abandoned]__Gfayth at 8:39 PM
*coughs* teehee. aye, little flutter-by has been caught by a terribly aweful flu bug! it flew up her respitory system on wednesday night - after her sumptious dinner, and forced her to hit the sheets early. before the break of dawn, she was alrdy paralysed in bed, praying for a tad bit of love from someone who cares.
till this point in time, I am still drowning in serious procrastination. SCREAMS! like, hello? I'm suppose to be working 100,000 times harder than slouching on the couch 24/7 and taking extra long naps all afternoon from mondays to fridays! ahem. O levels are drawing nearer by the second woman! tick tock tick tock! I'm gonna screw my ass for that now. [feeling-abandoned]__Gfayth at 3:10 AM
I havent thought of whad to sacrifice this lent. I hear a calling that tells me to be a torch to somebody that I had a misunderstanding with recently - but george says it isnt a sacrifice. okayye. so here I go again: gotta think of smth else.
quite frankly, I feel like a bum for not having anything to sacrifice for my Saviour! it's the same old thing anually - I am always soo satisfied with myself! I always feel like the little things are not worthy to lift up to Him, so I try to find something that is more significant. then again, I just thought to myself: isnt it the smaller things that makes a larger impact? think I'll just pick smth out of the basket and work on it. whad's impt is that I change for a better being right? teehee. I shall not backstab. Dear Jesus, pls help me not to be hypocritical but sincere, and to be frank yet tactful when I am displeased with my friends. I want to be friendly to all that I love and hate because You accepted my flaws and love me anyway. Amen. [feeling-abandoned]__Gfayth at 6:37 AM
oh yayy! can finally blog. ((:
it's been awhile aye!? plenty of events are swirling around me lately and quite frankly, I'm feeling dizzy alrdy. there's been so many questions swimming in my oh-so-cramped mind that I cant come up with rational things to speak of. neither can I resist flaring up at the slightest matter - which is not even nearly related to the core of my problem and I wish I could stop time now to breathe for a second. smth on the surface: this has been my worst cny. cny used to be a special time of the year when I reunite with my cousins whom I hardly meet in the course of it. on the eve of the festival, we would take turns to gather round that far too small (for the family) marble table - that has adopted countless scratches on it, like the wrinkles on my grandma's hands. laughter roared like thunder from the kitchen, through the hallway and to the living room which brought abundant joy racing through everybody's hearts. however, a tragic occurred to my only cherished family - grandma's passing away. eversince, cny had lost it's enchanting significance to me. it is as if the absence of grandma has wiped away the smiles in our lives. this is the one thing that I cant go back to. [feeling-abandoned]__Gfayth at 3:18 AM
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